An Extrovert’s Guide to Caring For Your Introvert Girlfriend

They say opposites attract when it comes to dating.

This is true to some extent — a lot of people can attest to how fulfilling it is to be matched with someone who can fill the missing pieces of themselves.

Though it does help to have someone who can give you a fresh perspective, it can be hard to understand them at times. Even more so when you have your own particular way of life.

Are you the kind who likes to meet new people and proactively make friends? If so, then you’re probably extroverted. And as the jokes go, an extrovert will always have that one introvert that they’ve adopted into their life.

In your case, it would be your girlfriend.

Having a different lifestyle from your significant other can make it difficult for you to spend time with each other. There may come a point where this becomes an issue in the middle of an argument.

But let’s face it — differences in relationships are inevitable, no matter how similar you claim to be with your girlfriend. The best thing to do in this case is simply adapt.

Your girlfriend is also trying her best to meet you in the middle. It’s only right that you pull up your end of the rope as well.

Here are a few ways that you can make your girlfriend feel comfortable:

1. Let her open up in her own time.

Though your girlfriend is fond of you, it may take her a while to open up to you. Introverts run at a different pace from what extroverts do. Before she can start talking about deep and personal topics, she has to make sure she feels comfortable.

When she does open up, listen to her. She’ll be counting on you to help ease a bit of her burden.

2. Don’t take it personally when she gets distant.

Your girlfriend needs time to gather herself before she can face you. She needs some alone time to reflect and find peace with herself. So she could be ready the next time you meet up.

It’s not that she’s stressed out being with you or anything like that. Rather, she’s taking this time to recharge herself to avoid stressing herself.

Every introvert needs their personal space. If that’s something you can’t respect, then it may be for the best that you date an extrovert, not an introvert.

3. Find out how she prefers to communicate.

As opposed to what most people believe, introverts are capable of being good communicators.

So try to ponder — how does your girlfriend like to communicate with you? Is she a lot more expressive through texts and chatspeak? Or would she rather see you face to face?

It won’t be easy for you to find out which method she prefers the most. You’re going to have to go through trial and error.

4. Don’t force her to socialize.

Introversion is not some kind of sickness that needs to be treated. So if you were to introduce your girlfriend to someone, don’t expect her to immediately warm up to them and act all buddy-buddy.

Your girlfriend is selective about the people she lets into her life. It can take a while for her to adapt to a new face. No matter how pleasant or kind that person is, if your girlfriend doesn’t feel like talking, then there’s no helping it.

Your girlfriend can socialize on her own. She’s not some sort of baby that you need to coddle.

She may change her mind sooner or later, but for now, you’ll have to respect that she doesn’t need you to strong-arm her into making friends.

5. Consider her needs when making plans.

Small, loving gestures can go a long way.

When planning your date, be accommodating enough to consider the peak hours and space of the place you’re going to.

Introverts can easily get drained when placed in a huge crowd. Your girlfriend is most likely going to feel overwhelmed.

So before you can get yourselves tickets or reservations, make sure that you don’t show up at a time when most visitors arrive.

6. Speak up for her when she needs it.

Imagine you’re at a restaurant with your girlfriend. Your food has arrived, but you notice that your girlfriend isn’t too happy with what she got.

Don’t ignore her feelings — chances are, the restaurant got her order wrong and she’s too afraid to speak up.

Introverts want to avoid making a huge fuss out of menial issues. They don’t like being made the center of attention.

So if you notice that she got the wrong food, speak up in her stead. But before you do, ask her permission before you take action. If she says yes, then raise your concern to the nearest waiter.

Pro-tip: Most introverts are too shy to speak up to retail or customer service workers. Take the initiative to tell your girlfriend to reach out to you if she has any problems. She will reach out to you when she needs it.

7. Never force her into things that she doesn’t like.

It helps to have mutual interests that you and your girlfriend can bond over. If you don’t have anything in common, you can try to introduce her to your favorite hobbies.

Just don’t force them onto her.

Your girlfriend doesn’t need to completely understand what you are interested in. But she’ll be happy to listen to you being expressive about the things you love.

It may feel like the conversation is too one-sided at times. If you find this concerning, talk to your girlfriend. But most likely she would rather listen to you talk than contribute to the conversation.

Finding the Middle Ground

Though it’s great to be considerate towards your introverted girlfriend, that doesn’t mean you have to make everything about her. You should also leave something for yourself as well.

Establish your boundaries and negotiate how you can go around your differences. Try to get a feel of what works for you both.

It won’t be easy, but it’s challenges like these that give more meaning to your relationship.