DATING ADVICE
Two Warning Signs That You’re Dating a Spider-Webber
Which of the two are you? Are you perhaps the spider? Or are you the fly?
For context, have you ever been ghosted by someone you were dating?
If so, do you know what’s worse than being ghosted?
It’s being trapped in a sticky web of manipulation and toxicity. Getting someone entangled in a web full of charms, lies, and deceit is called spider-webbing.
This is what happens when you’re trapped in a bad relationship that is full of manipulation tactics such as breadcrumbing, gaslighting, and love-bombing.
The spider-webbing dating trend is composed of not only one toxic behavior, but a series of toxic behaviors woven together as one.
As the saying goes, one can be an accident, two is a coincidence, but three or more is a trend.
This latest dating trend could be the worst nightmare for anyone who’s single, especially during cuffing season.
If you want to know whether you’re dating a spider — a term used to identify a spider-webber — here are some warning signs to look out for.
Inconsistent Behavior
Consistent with being inconsistent.
The inconsistency of their behavior ranges from complimenting you to criticizing you.
It’s like a hot and cold situation where they compliment you first and then criticize you without warning.
They may shower you with a lot of compliments to make you feel loved and appreciated. They even give you some gifts so that they can build an attachment between the two of you.
You might not notice it at first, but that is what love-bombing is.
They may also give you backhanded compliments that make you wonder whether they’re insulting you or not.
Other times, they will comment on something about you that will make you feel like trash so you won’t be able to have the confidence to leave the relationship. Their goal is to make you dependent on them and on the relationship.
If you’re dating someone with inconsistent behavior, be careful, you might be getting spider-webbed.
Manipulative Skills
To manipulate is to gain control.
A spider-webber is equipped with complex and well-coordinated manipulative tactics. One example is that they are good at gaslighting.
If you confront a spider-webber about their inconsistent behavior, they then use gaslighting tactics to manipulate you, making you believe that you are just overanalyzing everything and are too sensitive about it.
Once you’re trapped in that mess, it can be very difficult to detach yourself.
As mentioned by Dr. Sarah Bishop, a UK-based clinical psychologist, people who try to spider-web you typically have major issues in life. They can be very insecure, lacking confidence in their own ability to establish and maintain genuine connections in a healthy manner.
Since they have a very controlling personality, it’s expected that spider-webbers have a range of manipulative tools up their sleeves. With that, they can use it against you in any way at different times.
As highly manipulative people, they can also use labels to make you feel like you’re the same as everyone else.
If you think they’re good at manipulating other people, what makes you think they won’t manipulate you too?
Spider-webbing is not an accident or a misunderstanding to begin with. It is considered a red flag. The reddest of all the red flags you know.
Since they are frankly good at manipulating, they can be difficult to detect. They are good at hiding their real intentions and can seem innocent enough for you to suspect nothing.
If you notice that you are getting bombarded with a couple of manipulative tactics, make sure to have a frank and open conversation with them about it. Tell them about their manipulative behavior.
If you think they can change, you can give them a chance. Otherwise, get yourself out of that relationship if you don’t want to get caught in the web again.
It’s better to stop the web from being woven too far because it might be difficult to get out of it once you’re trapped or when it’s too late.
