LIFE LESSONS | PAIN
Dating Shouldn’t Feel Like a Chore
Life is hard enough as it is, so why are we stressing ourselves out and staying with people who are just ruining us?
Last night, a friend stormed into my house, crying and bawling her eyes out. Her name is Jzia and she’s been dating her boyfriend, Shawn, for three years already.
I’ve witnessed how their love story deteriorated from the beautiful flower it once was to a withered one. They’ve lost the passion and excitement that they once had.
Jzia said that Shawn broke up with her.
She said he told her he felt like he was the only one putting in the effort for them and he constantly had to guess what was up with her.
He also told her that it was as if she was just in the relationship for convenience and not because she truly loved him.
As a relationship coach and a friend, it’s only fair that I hear both sides of the story before I give any advice. So I decided to ask Shawn to see what was up.
And this was what he told me.
I always give my all, but she doesn’t do anything.
She seems to be going through the motions, and I’m tired of feeling like I’m the only one invested in this relationship.
When I asked Jzia about this, she told me that he was right. She’d become too complacent in their relationship. She didn’t feel like she still had to do anything.
She thought everything would be fine if she would just go with the flow. But little did she know that Shawn was hurt and disappointed.
As we all know, a relationship takes effort and dedication from both parties. And if one doesn’t do their part, the relationship could end, unfortunately.
She’s always sending me mixed signals and I’m out here struggling to know what she feels.
Jzia wasn’t clear and direct with her feelings and intentions, so Shawn didn’t know where he stood and what he could do to make things better.
He thought they were both mature and shouldn’t have problems like this because they understood how important communication was.
As a result, it drove him mad because, apparently, he was the only one who thought that.
She’s only nice when I do things for her.
Over time, Shawn noticed that Jzia was only affectionate and attentive towards him whenever he did her favors.
For instance, when he suggested going on a date to spend more quality time together, she initially refused.
However, she suddenly changed her mind after Shawn promised to buy her anything she wanted after the date.
Date someone who would make your life easier.
Situations like this kept going until Shawn realized that the relationship was not worth the effort and he had to put an end to it.
And that was when he broke up with her. He was so drained from the relationship that he felt like dating Jzia was a chore.
Jzia realized everything she had done, but it was already too late. Shawn was firm in his decision to leave her and move on.
In reality, relationships are work, but they shouldn’t be hard. They shouldn’t feel like you’re constantly fighting an uphill battle or that you’re the only one putting in effort.
To my friend Jzia, although you learned your lesson the hard way, I hope you’ll become a better partner in the future.
And to Shawn, you made the right decision.
Three years is a long time, so I know how hard it must have been to leave the person you thought you were gonna end up with.
But I’m proud of you and I hope you’ll find someone deserving of you.
