How to Win the Hearts of Your Filipino Girlfriend’s Family

If you want to marry a Filipina, you should first win her family’s heart.

This may not be new to you since it’s normal in any custom for a man to ask the parents of his girlfriend for their blessing.

However, Filipino families are very particular about this practice.

It’s not enough to ask them for their daughter’s hand for marriage. You should impress them, know them well, and earn their trust.

Let me put it this way — in marrying a Filipina, you should also “marry” her family.

I’m not saying that you have to literally bring them on every date. Just show them that you are persistent and sincere about dating and marrying their daughter.

Why you should get along with your future in-laws

A Filipina’s family has a huge influence on her dating and marriage life.

From a young age, she had to follow a curfew. She had to ask her parents first before letting someone court her. And if she was dating someone, she had to bring him to their house.

This is the reality when dating a Filipina. Her family is stricter with her than her other male family members. Why? Because she is the gem of the family.

Like anything important and valuable, they just want to protect her, especially from insincere suitors.

So they want to know what you look like, what you are all about, and how you treat their daughter.

How to win her family’s favor

To show them that you are the right man for their daughter, follow these pointers below:

1. Visit their house regularly and get along with her family.

Filipino parents admire a man who has the courage to meet them and ask them to date their daughter, and makes an attempt to get along with them.

Keep in mind that these three should go hand in hand.

It’s not enough to personally ask her family to date her. While this act, on its own, is admirable; it’s just basic courtesy.

What matters more is your willingness to get along with her whole clan. Visit them as often as you can or before you go on every date with their daughter.

What you should avoid is only meeting them before your marriage.

Some foreign men may have done that in the past. Still, the best option is to be persistent in winning her family’s blessings.

2. Keep sending them messages online.

If you don’t have the means to travel regularly to the Philippines, you can meet her family online.

Ask her to introduce them whenever you have a video call. Try to memorize their names and talk to them as often as possible.

They may not have met you in person yet, but show them that you are happy to interact with them, even if it is online.

Get to know them better during these moments, so that it’ll be easier for you to get along with them in person.

3. Avoid disrespecting her and her family.

One of the biggest deal breakers for Filipino parents is disrespectful future in-laws.

They want the best man for their daughter — a man who knows how to respect her and her family.

So, avoid actions that will show this bad behavior.

When visiting their house, for instance, take off your shoes before getting inside.

Also, have meaningful conversations with her parents. Put your phone away, listen intently, and add something interesting to the overall conversation.

Most importantly, respect her even when you are not in front of her family.

If she says no to a little intimacy, accept her decision. Don’t force her. This is a test of your sincerity.

4. Practice paninilbihan.

Paninilbihan is a Filipino term for servitude. This refers to a certain period before the marriage where a man will serve a woman’s family.

You will either stay at your girlfriend’s house or visit them at a certain set time.

Traditionally, you would either fetch them water, gather and chop some firewood, or wash the dishes. Nowadays, you just help around with errands and other household chores.

Whether your girlfriend’s family may or may not ask you to do this, it’s still ideal to do things to serve her family before you ask for their daughter’s hand for marriage.

5. Personally ask for her parent’s blessings.

Unlike what people in other countries do, Filipinos ask for the blessing of a woman’s parents differently.

This is called pamamanhikan, and it goes like this:

You ask your parents and close relatives to come with you to their house. You bring some food and gifts. You ask her parents for her hand in marriage. Then, they make a decision. If they agree, only then will you talk about the wedding.

Win her family’s favor.

Filipino parents want to know if you are the right man for their daughter.

This is why they have pre-wedding customs such as paninilbihan and pamamanhikan.

While some families may not ask you to serve for a certain period, most of them will prompt you to personally meet them before your marriage.

Since you want to marry her, you should follow these customs.

Treat her like the gem that she is and pay respect to the people that she loves. Are you willing to do that?