Things to Say to a Woman That Make You Sound Foolish

Lorraine Villorejo
5 min readMay 16, 2022


Other blogs out there teach you what to say to a woman, but here? I teach you what you don’t say to a woman.

It’s easy to learn what you’re supposed to say to girls you like. What isn’t easy, though? Is kicking the habit of saying things you think are okay to say to women, but aren’t.

Not everyone is a master conversationalist. Even the most eloquent of us says the most absurd things unintentionally every now and then. The best you can do is to simply avoid saying the following:

1. “You shouldn’t wear so much make-up.”

I can see where you’re going with this. You’re probably thinking that you complimented her by pointing out her natural beauty, huh?

Do you want to know what you actually said?

“I know what’s better for you than you do.”

The make-up she wears is her choice. You might think you’re being smooth with this “compliment” but in truth, you’re insulting her.

What you should say instead: “I love what you’ve done with your eyes.”

You’re not only complimenting her beauty, you’re also acknowledging the work she did on herself.

2. “You’d be prettier if you smiled more.”

There are many reasons why you shouldn’t say this.

Reason # 1: No one wants unsolicited advice. And let’s be real here, this is one of them.

Reason # 2: You are putting out unfair expectations about a woman’s public appearance.

Reason # 3: You’re implying that you, a man, knows what’s best for a woman.

And finally, Reason # 4: This is a catcall.

Again, telling a woman to smile more is not a compliment. It’s unflattering and has been unflattering for many years now. If you say this in this day and age, it will only prove your incompetence.

What you should say instead: “Are you okay?”

Obviously, there is a reason why a woman isn’t smiling. And if there isn’t and a frown is simply her default expression, you’ll at least be treated to an amusing conversation. Asking her if she’s alright makes you sound thoughtful. It means you care. So say that instead.

3. “Calm down. You’re being emotional.”

First of all, humans are emotional. If you yourself don’t act on what you’re feeling, well, congrats? You’re either repressed or you’re well-controlled, whichever comes first.

Second, saying this to a woman while you are arguing or simply talking is insulting and demeaning. Unless that’s what you were going for, okay sure. I won’t judge you on why you’re going for the throat since everyone has their reasons in an argument.

But if you said this with the simple reason of trying to calm her down? Good luck. You’ve not only implied that she’s being irrational and how she’s reacting is somehow not normal, you’re also being unfair to your gender.

Because you are a man saying this to a woman, you are implying that men shouldn’t be emotional. Not only is this a wrong assertion, it’s also dangerous as it contributes to the poor emotional health men have.

What you should say instead: “I understand how you’re feeling.”

Have some empathy instead.

4. “Let me explain it so you can understand.”

If your initial plan was to explain in order to be understood, does it really have to be this demeaning? You are explicitly stating you’re doing so because you think she isn’t smart enough so you dumb it down for her.

That’s only going to make the argument worse.

What you should say instead: “I don’t want to be misunderstood, so let me explain.”

If you want to explain things, do it in an informative and respectful way. I get that when we get mad we say the meanest things in order to hurt people. But if you ever want to sound less arrogant, make an effort to at least not say this.

5. “You knew I was like this.”

This one is just unfair. When you’re in a relationship with someone, there is supposed to be trust, compromise and growth. You saying “You knew I was like this” is just another way of you saying you don’t want to acknowledge your own character flaws.

Listen. When your partner tells you her opinion about your behavior and personality, you should take it seriously. Don’t dismiss it by claiming “I’ve always been this way.”

Your partner may have chosen you because they love you but that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable for you to ignore growth. You are in this together now. If she shows disagreeable behavior and says “I thought you loved me for me”, what would you feel?

What you should say instead: “I’m sorry. It’s hard to change but I’ll try.”

Acknowledge your shortcomings. Promise you’re going to try to change. Prove to her that you’re a man by being mature.

6. “You’re very smart… for a woman.”

Oh boy. If your goal was to be backhanded, then good job.

It doesn’t take much to conclude what you really think about women when you say this. You are stating that men are innately superior to women and that you think it’s impressive that a single woman could even compare.

This belittles a woman’s achievements and capabilities.

What you should say instead: “Your perspective is refreshing and you have the best ideas.”

Your intention is to flatter her. When complimenting a woman, you’re supposed to be respectful, kind and maybe a bit flirty. Don’t include her gender into it.

Other Things You Shouldn’t Say

  • “Are you pregnant?”
  • “Is it that time of the month?”
  • “When are you going to have children?”
  • “Are you sure you want to wear that?”
  • “Are you sure you want to eat that?”
  • “You should feel lucky that you get free drinks when you go out.”
  • “You’re crazy!”
  • “It’s not a big deal.”

Remember What Your Mama Taught You

Think about how your mother is going to react if she knew you spoke like that.

You don’t need to be an expert conversationalist. Still, you have to be mindful of what you say. And I don’t just mean talking to women. You should always be mindful of what you say to anyone.

Think of the saying “Don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you” but replace do with say. If you don’t like it being said to you then don’t say it to anyone else.



Lorraine Villorejo