What Keeps You Being “Just Friends”
You love her, but you’re afraid she’ll say no.
There is no end to the countless inquiries single men out there have about their love interest: How do I get out of this “friend zone” in my life? How will she fall in love with me?
Sometimes it gets worse. You’re stuck and your feelings are described as poison in your heart. It slowly kills and eats at you, but you love what you have between you two right now.
So why are you still “just friends?” Let’s give this one a try:
1. Do you fear what others think?
We think about how we appear to others. This was one of the main tenets of Charles Horton Cooley’s looking-glass theory of the self. Do you stay in the “friend zone” because you’re afraid of how you think others will see you? Maybe you imagine yourself as a spectator and saying “she won’t stay with him for the long-term.”
It’s demoralizing. Sometimes we are told that the best kind of advice is to not think negatively because there is some truth to the claim that we are our own worst critics. How about an alternative: Why not think that you are the best available man for her to date? A positive perception of yourself always trumps a negative one any day.
2. Do you fear losing her friendship?
It’s just a name. Being called a boyfriend and calling her your girlfriend doesn’t magically transform the physical and emotional state of your relationship. There is a reason why at the end of the gender of ‘girl’ or ‘boy’ it’s called ‘friend.’
If she isn’t ready for a relationship you haven’t lost that relationship between you and her. It’s a good thing that she said no because you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship that she forced herself to be in.
If she is ready, you’re free from that stage or situation in both of your lives.
3. Do you fear uncertainty?
Fear of the unknown is powerful. People are so risk-averse that if they were offered a certain less reward than an uncertain greater reward, they are more likely to choose the former. Why? Because they know it will happen.
This indicates why being “just friends” is okay for some people. However, let it be known that nothing great in the history of mankind ever happened without significant risks involved.
But this isn’t just any event, it’s your event. The problem with juggling hypotheticals is that you reduce all events to calculations because it feels safe that way. It takes a lot of courage to let go and own the outcome whatever it may be.
Stop thinking and just tell her.
Allow life to take its course. Putting your feelings out in the open is what you should be doing next if you haven’t done it yet.
Why should anyone, including your perceptions, prevent you from taking the next step?
If you’re afraid of losing your friendship, you won’t lose it. Dust yourself off and try again with her or another lucky lady the next chance you have.
Lastly, instead of calculating if she might say “yes” or “no,” venture out and experience her reaction first-hand.
So what are you waiting for? Just tell her that you love her!
