Why Are Abused Men Told to Just Take It and Toughen Up?

Women who suffer from verbal, physical, sexual, and mental abuse often receive support. However, when men experience the same, they’re easily told to just take it and to toughen up.

Why is that? Why do we easily invalidate men’s feelings and negative experiences?

Is it because they grew up tolerating abuse and violence? Is it because they were raised to be strong and stoic, so they can’t easily break down and cry? Because there will be consequences if they speak up?

Men don’t have the same access to support networks as women do.

Most people who have been abused or sexually assaulted speak out about it because someone gave them strength, either through therapy or by sharing their stories.

But, when it comes to men, it’s different.

They are less likely to get help from friends or family members, especially from fellow men. When a guy talks about his mental or emotional struggle, he is easily shut down or dismissed — worst, he may even be shamed for speaking out.

Most often, men who struggle with abuse never get a chance to talk about it. Many of them stay quiet and end up bottling their feelings until things get really bad for them.

Men are taught from childhood that being a ‘man’ means not showing any sign of weakness.

They are taught, again and again, that it’s their duty to be strong, not to show their feelings and any sign of vulnerability.

Tragically, this is how toxic masculinity begins. Since they must be strong, independent, and self-reliant, they tend to silence themselves when they’re being abused or mistreated by others.

Also, they don’t want anyone to see them as a victim, so they act like everything is okay when it’s not. This is how toxic masculinity creates a culture where men are taught that abuse and mistreatment are normal — and that they should just accept these actions as part of life.

Women can be abusers, too.

Contrary to popular belief, it’s not just men who can get physically and emotionally violent in a relationship. Women can too.

But because of societal stereotypes painting women as the “weak” partners, it can make it more difficult for people to recognize that they can be abusive.

This is one of the reasons why there is an underreporting of abuse by women, making it seem as if it is less prevalent than it actually is.

Furthermore, research on domestic violence has historically focused on women as victims and men as perpetrators, which can perpetuate the idea that women are not capable of being abusive.

Even today, resources and services are mainly geared towards women as victims, leaving a gap in support for men who are abused.

Let’s do better.

Abuse isn’t only limited to women.

Both men and women can experience abuse in relationships, and both of them can be abusers too.

Regardless of the gender of the abuser or the victim, toxic behavior is harmful and should not be tolerated.

So, let’s raise awareness and break stereotypes to ensure that all victims have access to the support and resources they need to stay safe and heal.