Winning the Heart of a Cebuana
“I met a beautiful woman in Cebu but she doesn’t seem interested in me…”
You might be one of those guys who has been smitten by a lady from Cebu, and you don’t have an idea how to make her like you.
Things can get difficult and complex for you since you are not familiar with their dating culture.
Courtship in the Philippines has gone through a series of changes throughout the years. While the country has its own traditional dating culture, much of which still remains, a whole lot of it changed from when the Spaniards first landed on the island of Cebu and colonized the country for the next 300 years.
The dating culture in the Philippines is a result of their traditional beliefs, religious customs, historical rules, and neighboring and western countries’ influence. You can say that a lot of that has changed today.
So how is dating done in Cebu?
Here are a few things to keep in mind when wooing a Filipina:
1. Make the first move.
Common not just to Philippine culture but to most Asian cultures, it’s expected that the man should make the first move.
Whether it is introducing yourself or telling her how you feel, men should not shy away, otherwise, the woman will never take the initiative, and there won’t be any progress.
So you should man up and approach the woman that you like. They might be waiting for you to make a move.
Be relaxed about it but don’t be overly casual when asking her for a date. Be prepared and clever in your approach, but don’t appear too formal as if you are making a business proposal to her.
2. Be creative and sincere in pursuing her
Back in the day, Cebuanos would serenade the woman that they like, or write them poems. The Cebuano word for this is “Balak”.
They would also write love letters which they send to the lady through their trusted friend or the woman’s relative. They would give gifts and even to the girl’s family. Sometimes the man accomplishes household and farm chores for the lady’s family.
They would put in all these efforts and all these would happen before their first date. They would do anything and be creative as much as they can to impress the girl.
Today, many of these traditions are no longer practiced, but some girls and families still expect that men show this kind of effort in courting them.
Serenading modern Cebuanas would still make their hearts melt, and poetry also does the same magic to them. Just be sincere and creative in courting them.
It would be a huge bonus if you learned a few Cebuano words, this would impress her.
It’s huge brownie points if you’re able to do that.
3. Play “Hard to Get”
Cebuanas will sometimes pretend that they don’t care about you. Not only will they not talk to you, but they will also feign indifference by acting cold-hearted. However, what is truly going on deep inside their hearts is an entirely different thing.
They like you, but they show the opposite, all to play hard-to-get. Although they sometimes do this because they are just shy, they do this to test the man if he is indeed willing to go the extra mile to reach out to her.
So make sure you don’t give up on pursuing her. If she is planning to reject you, she’ll be frank with you.
4. Winning both her heart and her family
As mentioned, the man would give gifts to her and her family, and the man would sometimes do household chores and farm chores for the lady’s family.
All these are for the man to win not only the heart of the woman but also win the hearts of her family and receive their blessings. This is a display of sincerity and it shows them that you are capable and responsible enough to nurture a family.
Presently, many families or parents no longer require the man to do this, but men should still try to earn approval from the girl’s parents. When you are in a serious relationship with a Cebuana, the time will come that she will let you meet her parents, and when that happens, that is your chance to leave a good impression on her parents.
They’ll mostly ask about a lot of stuff about yourself. They’d like to know about your career, your background, where you finished school, where you grew up, and if you are able to support their daughter financially.
5. Part of her family
Gaining her family’s permission to date their daughter means you are already one of the members of their family and you have one less thing to worry about in the success of the relationship.
But you’ll have to prepare yourself because this also means that you will be invited by her family quite a lot during their family gatherings like birthdays, weddings, holidays, and celebrations.
You should also be aware that the country has at least 20 holidays in a year, and this does not include all the other family activities that they have the whole year round.
Moreover, family ties are important to Cebuanos, so her parents would most likely want to go out with both of you. This is a way for them to get involved in the dating life of their daughters and their future sons-in-law.
You should as well expect that her family will sometimes ask you about marriage from time to time.
Be Patient and Take Things Slowly
In Western culture, becoming an official couple would take at least 1 to 3 months of dating, and some would enter a serious relationship after around 5–6 dates.
In the Philippines, it would sometimes take 3 months to a year, and if the girl is extremely conservative, it would take 3 years, but this is an extremely rare case.
This also means that they won’t get physically intimate with you in the first few months, and you should respect that. They will only be intimate with you when your relationship gets official but there will still be limits.
There are also girls that won’t let you wait for a long time and are open about being physically intimate with you. But it all depends if they are ready to enter a serious relationship or not.
Nonetheless, what you’ll have to do is to be patient, slow down, and enjoy the courting stage.
If you are pursuing a gorgeous Cebuana right now, just take heart.
You’ll eventually win her heart.
