DATING ADVICE
Men, You Don’t Need to Be Nonchalant
especially in dating and relationships.
Here’s another old word that’s getting some new attention: nonchalant. It’s getting quite the buzz in the dating scene.
According to Merriam Webster, nonchalant describes someone who is relaxed and calm in a way that shows they’re not worried or don’t care about something. Modern, dating-related understanding takes that to mean someone who appears not to care at all.
While stereotyping or generalizing isn’t a good idea, it’s still hard to ignore that the majority of those often associated with nonchalance are men. The concept has woven itself into the fabric of masculinity, or at least the common understanding of masculinity, creating an impression that men embody this indifferent demeanor.
Now, don’t get me wrong — women are more than capable of being nonchalant, and many are. But since it seems that society expects nonchalance from men, I think we should ask whether men truly need to embrace it.
Spoiler alert: I don’t think they should.
Being expressive is attractive.
Expression is an art, and many women find articulate and expressive men very attractive.
Yes, it’s true that not every man is good with words. And not every man who is articulate speaks honestly. There’s a reason “action speaks louder than words” is still a well-known adage to this day.
But that’s where sincerity comes in. Expressing your feelings through words and actions — keeping both aligned — proves your commitment and interest. Suppressing your emotions just to appear nonchalant can make you feel burdened. But when you open up about your feelings, your relationships can flourish and evolve.
Being nonchalant can lead to you being misunderstood.
Despite the common notion that women dig indifferent guys, the reality is that being nonchalant might just make it more difficult for the person you’re interested in to understand you.
What if she believes your I-don’t-care demeanor? Do you really want that?
Not being nonchalant doesn’t make you less of a man.
It doesn’t make you more, either. Nonchalance is just another personality trait, nothing more or less. It’s not the masculine ideal that many make it out to be.
True manhood is not about stifling emotions or pretending to be indifferent. It’s about being able to honestly and healthily express yourself.
So if you’re acting nonchalant just because you think that’s how you should be as a man, don’t. It’s better for you and those around you if you’re more genuine in your approach to life and love.
Now, I don’t think being nonchalant is inherently bad. Some people are just naturally that way.
But it’s bad if you force yourself to pretend to be nonchalant. For men who do so because they think that it’s what women want, remember that women have different tastes. Some women like nonchalant men, and many others prefer more expressive ones.
Men don’t need to be nonchalant. Even those who are naturally nonchalant should be aware that, at times, their nonchalance can be a barrier to them forming and maintaining healthy relationships with women.
So, to all the men reading this, let this be a reminder that what you really need to be is true to you.
Be chalant. A lot of women love that.
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