Let a Man Be a Man
Let a man be a man
but with boundaries
If a man wants to provide, let him.
If a man wants to serve, let him.
If a man wants to voice out his opinions, let him.
In my years as a dating coach, I have encountered a lot of couples who broke up because of one thing — one of them didn’t feel useful in the relationship.
And mind you, they used to be full of love and joy, but that problem ruined every beautiful aspect of their relationship.
When I talked to them, I noticed a similarity. It was mostly men who felt useless and irrelevant.
And so I wondered, how important is it to let a man be a man?
Let’s hear Alan’s story.
Even before we got married, my wife knows that I love providing for her. I want to buy her wants and needs and pay most of our bills. This is how I show my love and support for her.
She’s already taking care of our home and our kids, so the least I can do is provide her with the things she loves. Although I see no problem with that, she does.
She says I don’t need to do all these things because it just makes her feel bad. But that’s the thing, it’s not a need but a want.
When we were still dating, I already knew that she was an alpha female. She didn’t want to be cared for, or at least she didn’t want the way that I care for her. And I understood that. But we agreed to compromise on this matter before we got married.
However, everything took a turn for the worse. She didn’t change. She says she can live and do everything without me. It’s almost as if she doesn’t even want and need me as a partner.
I told her what I felt but she didn’t listen to me. So the same problem still went on for years until one day, I realized that I can’t take it anymore. I’ve had enough, so I made a very difficult decision. I said goodbye and left who I once believed was my soulmate.
Although I was hurt by the breakup, I didn’t exact revenge. All I wanted to do was leave for good.
But now, she wants me back. She told me she figured out what was wrong and it’s because she’s used to being hyper-independent so she doesn’t let anyone, even her partner, take care of her.
But it’s already too late. I love her, but I can’t live my life feeling isolated and unvalued. I even developed abandonment and attachment disorders because of this. I’m still trying to fix myself and once I do, I’m hoping I can still find someone that’s meant for me.
Let people fulfill their roles in relationships.
Believe it or not, this problem is common in relationships. People like Alan leave their partners because they see no point in staying with someone who constantly makes them feel worthless.
And to be honest, I would too. Being needed is what defines our roles in relationships, giving us satisfaction in knowing that we are significant in the eyes of our partners.
So if we can’t have that, why else would we stay in the relationship?
