MARRIAGE ADVICE
How to Make Sure Your Second Marriage Isn’t a Failure
So your first marriage didn’t work out. As a result of the pain, heartbreak, and legal mess that ensued, you’re wondering if a second marriage is even worth it.
It’s perfectly logical to have doubts, and maybe even regrets. The words “if only I knew then what I know now” suddenly make sense. Thus begins the vicious cycle of overthinking.
Statistics show that 67% of second marriages in the US end in divorce, and a whopping 73% of third marriages don’t end in happy endings either.
When compared to the 50% of first marriages ending in failure, it’s no surprise that these numbers scare divorcees into swearing off marriage forever.
Then again, it’s easy to forget the most basic truth:
A divorce simply means the end of a marriage.
It’s not the end of being able to find lasting happiness.
So, how exactly do you make sure your second (or third) marriage doesn’t become a disaster?
Don’t Bring Baggage from Your Previous Marriage
If you still carry around unresolved feelings from your past marriage, then it’s not going to end well for you and your new partner. You might end up projecting past hurt into your new relationship and subconsciously sabotaging it.
Work on healing yourself first before committing to a serious relationship with someone new. Don’t jump into a new marriage if you aren’t ready to welcome it with enthusiasm and optimism.
Learn from Your Past Mistakes
They say those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it. So, reflect on your past marriage and apply whatever lessons you’ve learned as you pursue another opportunity at finding lasting happiness.
Reflect on what made your past marriage fail in the first place.
Was it a lack of time spent with each other? Was there a betrayal? Did you fail to properly communicate your wants and needs?
Remember that love isn’t enough for a relationship to last. It takes effort and commitment.
This includes taking the time to accept the mistakes you’ve made and making sure they don’t become recurring issues.
Keep an Eye Out for Red Flags
You can’t expect a marriage to work out if you’re the only one doing the heavy-lifting. Your new partner should show you the same level of care and commitment that you’re willing to show them.
If they can’t do that, then it might be a good idea to take a step back and reassess your plans about getting married. Relationships formed through rose-colored glasses often end up doing more harm than good.
Marry for the Right Reasons
Ask yourself, “Why do I want to remarry?”
Is it because you’re scared of dying alone? Are you just hoping to prove a point to your ex and show them you’ve moved on? Or do you simply want someone to take care of you?
The right reasons may be different for you and for someone else. You could be looking to build a family while the other person might just want someone to spend the rest of their life with.
Whatever your reasons are, make sure they won’t lead you into a marriage you’ll only end up regretting.
It’s Not the End
A divorce doesn’t automatically ruin your chances of a happy marriage. Sure, the statistics seem to be saying the contrary, but that’s just what they are: numbers and data. It doesn’t tell the future and it most certainly does not tell your future.
So don’t drown yourself in worries and doubts. Keep your head up and you might just find the right partner who will make your second marriage more meaningful — and one that will definitely last.
Sources and References:
Psychology Today, The High Failure Rate of Second and Third Marriages
The Gottman Institute, 10 Rules for a Successful Second Marriage
Midlife Rambler, Second Marriage Success Tips: How to Avoid Divorce When You Remarry
