REALITIES
“Us against All Odds”
Not us against each other
Anita Hill once said, “The real problem is that the power given out in our society pits us against each other, ” which is true as it does impose challenges in a relationship.
It’s common for the odds to occasionally stack up in a relationship. Couples do quarrel, but there are those couples who struggle and feel as though the world is conspiring to destroy them.
Interracial couples probably feel this way more than most.
According to the couples I’ve worked with, other than having to adjust to each other’s cultures, they often have to deal with social stigma, prejudice, and, initially, at least, even disapproval from their families.
Yet many of them manage to stay together, against those odds. Here are some pieces of advice they imparted that shouldn’t be underrated:
Problems should stay small. Don’t make them bigger than they are.
This underlines the need for developing a sense of stability. It will help couples to keep in mind the issues that are causing them to argue. They should focus on one problem at a time and avoid making it any bigger than it is. Oftentimes, small problems can get worse because couples make them worse.
Figuratively speaking, in a relationship, you don’t pick off the fruit and blame it for not growing well; rather, you carefully examine the roots that contribute to it.
Communicate, comprehend, and compromise.
Above all, there should be communication. There’s little that couples can’t achieve if they have respectful, honest, and open communication, along with understanding and willingness to compromise.
Many couples have learned the hard way that a relationship won’t last without effective communication.
For interracial couples, language barriers are genuine obstacles. Thankfully, they’re not insurmountable. If you’re in an interracial relationship, then you know that even when things are difficult, you can let your love speak for you in all the languages.
Choose each other.
There will always be arguments and problems of all kinds. We’re all flawed, after all. But choosing to let reason and not pride rule your head will help you and your partner face your problems.
What is important is that you know who you are against — not your partner but the issue. It’s about choosing to be each other’s ally. It’s about choosing each other through the ups and downs.
Don’t let it be the both of you against each other.
If you can help it. More often than not, you can.
But if it should happen, try to take yourselves back to where you both started. Remember what it was about your partner that made you decide to be in a relationship with them, the qualities that you grew to love. Together, you’ve been through a lot.
Remember all those if you ever find yourself having to choose between giving up and staying. You as a couple may still have what it takes to overcome the odds against your relationship.
After all, being in a relationship comes with great responsibility.
