Men Are Tired of Combative Women
Oftentimes, men are told to understand women when they’re being aggressive.
Whether it’s because women just need love and attention or are just in a bad mood, men must be patient and sensitive to keep things from escalating.
I know this because I was one of those combative women who constantly picked fights with my partner. Or at least I used to be.
You don’t know me, so let me give you a little backstory. I’m Lorraine and I was in an aggressive relationship for three years.
And to many men out there, let me tell you, you don’t want to meet the old me.
Why? Let’s take a short trip down memory lane, shall we?
I was a good-for-nothing combative girl.
I met my ex-boyfriend, Ryan (not his real name) back in college. It was that typical girl-meets-boy setup where we were instantly attracted to each other from the first time we met.
We started as friends, but Ryan eventually became my first love and, apparently, my first heartbreak too. And everything was my fault.
Aside from being young and naïve, I also didn’t have enough dating experience, so you can imagine how much of a mess I was in our relationship.
I didn’t know how to control my emotions and would lash out even at the smallest and most absurd things.
For instance, I was so caught up with perfect guys in novels and dramas that I wanted Ryan to be perfect too.
So whenever he made a mistake, I would judge him and tell him what a loser he was. But that wasn’t all. I would also argue with him whenever I was having a bad day. In short, he would witness my emotional breakdowns and have to bear the resentment I felt.
I was that absurd, cruel, and unfair. Looking back, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone would have slapped me for my actions.
Now, what made things worse was that I knew Ryan was hurt, but he kept his calm whenever he spoke to me about my attitude. His kindness and patience kept us going until the most heartbreaking day came.
I can still vividly remember: it was February 16, 2014. Ryan ended our relationship with a letter.
No, we didn’t end personally, and while I was confused at the time, I definitely understand now why he didn’t face me — I didn’t deserve a personal goodbye.
In his letter, he said,
You were my one true love, but you didn’t value me. You didn’t treat me like someone you care about, you thought I was just a useless thing.
You would yell at me for no reason and wouldn’t appreciate the things I do for our relationship because you only see my mistakes and shortcomings.
These and a thousand more reasons why I had to leave. You already know how I feel about your repeated hostility in our relationship, but you didn’t listen.
You were so focused on yourself that you didn’t consider what I would feel. You thought I will always understand you. But what you didn’t know is that I, too, have limits.
I love you but you abused and drained me. And now I had no choice but to save myself and leave.
Aggressiveness creates misery.
I wasn’t respectful and sensitive enough to my ex’s feelings, and that caused me to lose someone I deeply loved.
Our breakup served as a wake-up call for me. And I want this to serve as a lesson to all of you too.
I now work as a dating and relationship coach. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from all the couples I’ve worked with, it’s that fights are acceptable in relationships, but having repeated hostile interactions simply because you lack compassion will only cause your relationship to fail.
Your relationship should be built with warmth, understanding, and support. Otherwise, you will tear each other down.
